Thursday, January 7, 2010

Wrestling with my memories

I was watching wresting the other night and I have to say that it doesn't hold up like it did in the old days.
You see, in the old days, it was a probably a 40/60 mix of talent and gimmick, in that respective order.
In the 80's you didn't have to be in any tone or shape to be a wrestler. Now I know that everyone says that the 80's was where steroids became prominent but when you watch old matches and see guys like Hillbilly Jim or Arn Anderson you have to know that the juicers were far and few. Or at least were very obvious. See Lex Luger.

But watching wrestling as a kid made me realize how stupid I was. Or for that fact, how stupid must adult fans were too. As a kid, I thought professional wrestling was a sport. A lot of people did. When I saw Hulk Hogan get hurt badly, I was yelling at the T.V. screen with great concern. Hulk Hogan was HURT! He can't LOSE!? Can he?
But sure enough, Hulk would then get to his feet, shaking his hands, waving the finger, the big boot and the leg drop. Living room goes wild.
Damn I was stupid.

Now as a kid, I can understand why I might have overlooked certain things. Adults? I have no explanation. It must have been the New Coke formula messing with our brains.

Here's some reasons why I should have know wrestling was fake as a kid:

#1: The Gimmicks. This should have been the number one tip off on it not being a sport. It all starts with Ted Dibiase. Or you might know him as The Million Dollar Man. He would get into the ring wearing a diamond encrusted gold belt with a big $ on it. He would pay people in the crowd money to do stupid things, if only to embarrass them and show how as a millionaire he was better then him. But here is the million dollar question: Why would a millionaire need to wrestle professionally? He's a MILLIONAIRE.  In todays modern wrestling it's not unheard of that some of the wrestlers are worth that much. In the 80's? Not so much. Other gimmicks made just as little sense. Why would Nikoli Volkoff be allowed to wrestle in the United States? Weren't we in the middle of a Cold War? How did he get a work visa?  If George the Animal Steele is really that unbalanced then wouldn't it be a hazard to have him wrestle? The Undertaker defies logic. Was he dead? Was he possessed? And what was his motivation to wrestle? Let's not forget the Ultimate Warrior. That guy was batshit crazy. He was an entertaining batshit crazy but listen to his interviews on You Tube and you'll understand why that, combined with everything else above, should have been the obvious tip off that wrestling was fake.

#2: The referees. I know every professional sport has players, coaches, and owners who complain about the referees. And yes, there are calls that are blown weekly that impact the outcome of those contests. But Pro Wrestling? Worst referees ever. This was the common formula for a wrestling match: Good Guy wrestler is winning. Bad Guy wrestler is losing. Bad Guy wrestler's manager, valet, or associate causes distraction. Bad Guy wrestler obtains foreign object. Good Guy is victim of foreign object. Bad Guy wins! And this series of events happened every week. Sometimes twice on the same show. And Championship Titles would be lost this way. And these referees that would blow these matches? They would still be officiating the next week.
And the pattern would repeat. And the funny thing? If a wrestler were to lose the title, you'd have to think that the commissioner would see the footage, fire the ref, and reverse the decision. But it never happens.  Is it any wonder why Vegas didn't take bets on wrestling back then?

#3: STEEL EVERYTHING!!! When a wrester gets hit by a chair it isn't just a chair, it's a STEEL chair. Thrown into the guard rail? Uh uh, it was a STEEL guard rail. Heads are ran into STEEL steps. Oh my god! He was just hit with a STEEL chain!!! Are those brass knuckles? Fuck no! Those are STEEL knuckles!! STEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!
If there was one thing all wrestling announcers wanted you to know it's that everything was made out of steel. And steel is the most dangerous thing to a wrestler. And if a wrestler were to be hit with that much steel in real life with the velocity being used? They'd be dead. Yet they never were.......

#4: The Wrestling Manager. This is an absurd concept that made no sense. Wrestlers, mostly bad guy wrestlers, had managers. Now these managers, in theory, were supposed to be advisors who were supposed to help coach their wrestler in strategy in order for them beat their opponent. But as stated as above, they would mostly run interference so their wrestler could cheat, usually with a STEEL object. Bobby Heenen, Freddie Blassie, Captain Lou Albino, Paul Ellering, J.J. Dillon....none of these guys ever seemed to do anything other then cheat. Maybe that was their strategy. But any dumb ass could come up with that on their own. And if you didn't have the smarts to be a manager? You were a valet. Meaning you were a hot chick that distracted the Ref with their hotness. And sometimes you were a pimp like Slick. And Paul Bearer (Get it?....duh....)? Sometimes you were a funeral home owner who carried an urn. Huh.

#5: Hulk Hogan. As my final entry as to why wrestling was fake in the 80's, I go back to an earlier point. I give you the inventor of Hulkamania. Actually, that was probably Vince McMahon's idea. Actually, anything about Hogan was all because of Vince. Yes, Hogan had a name for himself well before coming to the WWF but Vince marketed him perfectly and made Hogan synonymous with wrestling. Vince came up with a great formula. But the problem was that he ran the formula into the ground. Remember the situation I listed above where Hogan would get hurt, Hulk up, do his thing, and win? It happened almost all the time. Almost every detail EXACTLY the same each time. We could almost set our watches to this moment. At the 3/4 part of every match that scenario would happen. Now if that incident only happened once in Hogan's career then it would be a thing of legend. But to happen almost every match? Scripted beyond all belief.

So I seem to be bashing the 80's wrestling a lot. Especially after saying the current state of wrestling is much worse. And it is. All that hokey fun that was the 80's was still fun. Now, wrestling is 30/20/50. That is 30% image, 20% talent, and 40% gimmick. Why do I have image and gimmick as two separate things? All wrestlers have to have a certain over muscular look. It's harder to tell most of them apart. The Talent side? Doesn't matter anymore. There are some good wrestlers out there, but they are far and few. And the Gimmick is more important then ever. Everyone has a catch phrase. Everyone shouts into the mic. Everyone is a stereotype of a stereotype.

But somewhere out there....an 8 year old thinks it's real.
And in the end, anything is as real as you want to believe it is.

Saturday, January 2, 2010

Top Ten Downers of the Decade

You want to know what sucks? How about these things:

#1: Talented people dying because of dumb reasons. Too much prescriptions drugs......Freak Accidents......Other random mean.....it's safe to say that peoples careers are being cut too short because of the wrong reasons.

#2: 9/11. This was a horrible tragedy that occurred. But the fallout from it has been haunting the country for the past several years and was much more damaging then the initial event itself. This was our the loss of our innocence for our generation. 

#3: Celebrities getting known for their antics verses their talent. When we look back at of the celebrity meltdowns of the past decade it seems we tend to value and encourage these behaviors more then what they should be known for. This has led to a bunch of.....

#4: Pointless reality shows. Especially those dedicated to some douchebag or douchebaggette trying to find their "true love". You take some skanky B-list star and then try to have him find "love" among a dozen of whore mongering wannabe actors or actresses. And the losers of this "competition"? They get their own shows. Bleh.

#5: The Prequel Star Wars Trilogies. Stiff acting. Bad CGI comic relief. Poor writing. I will admit when these movies came out that  I liked them. But not for the above reason. They were visually good movies that had potential that was never discovered because none of Lucas's closest friends or advisors had the balls to tell the man he was making crap.

#6: The loss of literacy. I feel bad for future generations. With the internet being such a amazing resource there is a big downside to this. If I was a teenager, why would I spend a week to read a book when I can just look up the plot and ending online and get the results instantly? I feel concerned that with access to the end results that no one will learn the patience you get from reading nor do you learn the context of how you get there.

#7: Buffalo Wild Wings not having Smokey Southwestern sauce anymore. Yes, it's nowhere as near as grand as the others but I really liked that sauce.

#8: Great shows being cancelled or cut short because: No one gives them a shot, Networks don't support them and give the shows bad time slots; Or these great shows require thinking or a much more clever line of thought. At least Lost and Battlestar Galalctica have been able to seen it through to the end.

#9: Greedy Business fucking over others and then when they start to fall apart they ask the Government to bail them out. It's hard to become rich without screwing someone over. And while executives still collect bonuses, the smaller people in the equation either lose their jobs or the government is still waiting to get paid back from the money they gave to save the business in the first place.

#10: The loss of a son.

Friday, January 1, 2010

Top 10 new technologies!

Here's the second of my lists.

I live and die by technology. And here are the top 10 technologies this past decade I love the most.

#1: The MP3 Player. Before this technology I had to settle for a discman that would skip all the time as well as could only hold 1 disc at at time. Even with CD burning technology it was still very restrictive. Now I have a device that can hold as much music as I want and allow me to bring it anywhere I want. And now that they can do videos too? Why would I need anything else unless.....

....#2: Cell Phones......I had a cell phone that could do all of those functions to a lesser degree. Internet, GPS, MP3, Video, communication, organization, or any other function I could ever need. For the past several years I haven't had a home phone. And each year my cell phones do more and more.

#3: X-Box 360. Yes, I know....you could argue that the Playstation 3 or Wii can be here but if you wanted a system that has taken the video game medium to another level then you don't have to look any further then this system. Excellent online setup, great exclusive games, and more multimedia functions added to it yearly make it fantastic. If they just didn't Red Ring as much as they did.

#4: HDTV's. It took the majority of the decade to refine them and get the costs down but now it's impossible to imagine watching TV, movies, or playing games on anything else. The world never looked prettier or uglier if that's what you're watching.

#5: GPS. Going into the unknown never has been as easy without this easy piece of technology. No more atlases, no more maps, no more half assed directions. Just type in and go.

#6: Bluray players. Sony finally got a format right. There is no reason to justify spending $30 to go to the movies anymore when you can wait a few months and buy the movie and see it in a quality that is 10 times better then anything you could ever see.

#7: Netflix. It's not a technology but it has definitely changed how people view and watch things. For a simple fee each month you can rent unlimited movies and see things you might have missed in the past. And with most TV being on DVD it makes it easier to watch shows that you maybe started late on. Add in the new streaming feature and it's hard to argue how Netflix has put thousands of video stores out of business.

#8: The Playstation 2. Why the PS2 and not the PS3? Backwards compatibility, DVD playback, surround sound support, and a huge list of 3rd party companies making games exclusively for Sony. This system changed the view that gaming systems were only for games as well as had a solid line up of titles support it.

#9: The Digital Camera. The death of film came at the hands of a technology that only keeps getting better resolution, smaller in size, and more cost effective.

#10: The Internet. Do I need to explain this one? Tell you what, why don't you Google the internet and see what comes up.

That's all for now!

Thursday, December 31, 2009

DOIN' THE DAMN LISTS!!!!!! DECADES RULE!!!!

So before I do this I need you to know that this list is buying into the bull$h!t. A lot of outlets are doing their "Top whatever lists of the decade". Technically, the decade doesn't begin until 2011. But I'm bored and because of that you get a list out of me.

The first list is my favorite T.V. moments of the decade. This list will most likely be wrong in many ways because I'm not putting thought into this. I will surely look back at this in a week and hate myself for forgetting something. Buy that is what life is: Hating the things you didn't know in the past.
So, onward:
(In no particular order and with SPOILERS ...SO LOOK AT YOUR OWN RISK!)

#1: The Sopranos episode "Long Term Parking" (2004). There is nothing more awesome then the moment when Adriana is looking at the woods driving by with the dawning realization that is going to happen next.

#2: The Battlestar Galactica original series mini-series (2003). I watched this on Sci-Fi channel when it first came out because I remember watching the original show as a kid and was wondering if it would be just as cheesy. I was never so glad to be wrong as I watched civilizations die and saw the realistic portrayal of society trying to run from it's enemy and realizing that they may be just as dangerous to themselves.

#3: Battlestar Galactica episode "33" (2004). So much tension and suspense and it helped set the tone for much of the series of the difficult moral decisions that will have to be made for the survival of humanity.

#4: Lost episode "Through the Looking Glass" (2007). There is something to be said that when a character is killed in a show and you feel sad, angry, and as well as content on how it happened and when that does happen you know it was done well. Charlie's death is probably one of the truly most poignant deaths in TV history especially when you see how it was all in vain.

#5: Arrested Development episode "Good Grief" (2004). The Charlie Brown references make this episode such a charming inside joke.

#6: The Venture Brothers episode "Hate Floats" (2006). The opening scene in this episode is an ode to nerds and geeks everywhere. This episode is proof on how if you have great secondary characters that they can carry an entire episode.

#7: The Venture Brothers episode "Escape to the House of the Mummies Part 2" (2006). First, the important thing to know if you decide to go watch this episode is that there there was never a part 1. This episodes main plot is actually a sub plot that can only make sense if you try really hard. But seeing the battle of science vs. magic between Venture and Dr Orpheus is priceless. Guilty pleasures? A oiled up garbage bag. hilarious.

#8: Better Off Ted episode "Racial Sensitivity" (2009). The sad thing is that this show will get cancelled. I can feel it. The great thing? At least they were able to put out an episode so over the line it's amazing that someone didn't complain about it.

#9: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia episode "Who Pooped the Bed?" (2008). Why did they do an episode like this? Because poop is funny. And so is this episode.

#10: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia episode "The Nightman Cometh" (2008). A good joke from an earlier season is turned into an amazing episode of absurdity. This episode makes you cringe and laugh so much it makes you be thankful for cable TV outlets for shows like this to happen.

So this is list #1!

More to come this weekend!

Sunday, December 27, 2009

The Hell-idays are finally over.......

It's been a while.

Working in retail is always rough this time of the year. I work at Best Buy and have done so for the past 10 years. And every year it's the same marathon-like endurance run that I have to go through.

From the start of November to the end of December it's a grueling crawl to make it through the year. It all starts with the preparation that I have to do beforehand which leads up to the 13+ hour day I work on Black Friday to the maniacal last weeks leading up to Christmas Eve. And finally I'm in the end run of the return/exchange season  where people dump off other peoples best intentions and use up all their gift cards.

It's been these two months that make it very hard for me to enjoy both Thanksgiving and Christmas.

Now, this isn't whining. This is the life I have chosen. This puts money in my account which in turn supports my wife and myself.  I know that every year that I will work amazingly hard. It's o.k., though because the other several months of the year are easy to manage.

What makes it very hard to enjoy this time of the year is seeing the worst in others. Every year it's seeing the pettiness and most selfish of emotions in shoppers that frustrates me.

On Black Friday, I see behaviors that borders on obsessive and abusive that doesn't make me feel good about the holidays. When I see a line that goes about 100+ yards wrapping around our parking lot it doesn't make me feel good knowing that peoples wishes will be fulfilled. Instead it disgusts me to know that half of those people in that long line will just resell those doorbusters on Ebay and Craigslist therefor depriving people who would really enjoy those items and forcing people to go through less then reputable channels to make those dreams come true.

I see thousands of people who display ignorant behaviors who only think of themselves and vent their anger and frustration on employees who are only trying to make a living and aren't worthy of the abuse that is given to them.

I see where the holidays have become materialistic and where all worships of faith are put to the wayside and instead are replaced by the charge of consumerism.

I see where people value the presents given and received more then the time spent with family.

I see that every year it get worse.

I watched The Charlie Brown Christmas like I do every year. And the message in it is so right on yet seems to get further and further away from the reality of now.

It could be said that if this bothers me as much as it does then why keep working at a place that helps bring all of this to the forefront of my life?

Because even if I were to walk away I'd still know the behaviors and culture is still out there. And even though I would no longer be near the epicenter of the storm, I can still see the damage it does from a distance.

So I now prepare to relax and look forward to the next year. And in the end I'm grateful that it's another year I get to see. I just wish I didn't have to see it get worse each year. And I hope that it eventually gets better.

Happy New Year , Everyone.

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Why can't us Minnesotan's handle driving during winter?

So if you were to go to most peoples Facebook or Twitter pages I can guarantee that the majority of most people are making clever observations about " I hate winter!" or "Stupid Snow!". To put into context if you aren't reading this as this storm has occurred but we just got several inches of snow dumped on us.
It's amusing that people gripe about the weather as much as they do in Minnesota.
It's not like it's a phenomenon that never occurs here. Hell, we can always bank on a good 6 or 7 storms from November to March that always cause headaches. We live in Minnesota therefor it will snow. Now if a hurricane were to strike us I can understand the astonishment. That would be some freaky crap.
But instead we get snow. And we know we will get snow.

So why the hell is it that the majority of most motorists don't know how to drive in this weather? Why can't we as natives comprehend what this weather is capable of doing and adjust accordingly?

Today on the way home I drove past 6 accidents. Out of these 6 accidents, 3 of them involved a minimum of 3 vehicles in each accident. That means that is was a team effort for this type of mayhem to go down.

Now I know that some might point out that maybe this was all caused by the carelessness of a single driver impacting others. But I think that in this type of situation that we as motorists need to understand that as much as we control how we drive that we cannot control the driving of others. A smart person then would adjust their driving style to be much more defensive and would not just be gauging their own adjustments but also the patterns and adjustments of those driving around us.

Here are some examples:
#1: If I were to see a car ahead of me that is ducking in and out of lanes regardless of icy road conditions and constrained visibility then it would only make sense to try to keep distance from this car. The driver has obviously disregarded common sense driving and is aggressive so it would be foolish to put myself in a situation where this person's arrogance could cause me harm.

#2: If I were to see a person driving ahead of me who is hitting their breaks every 2 seconds then it would only make sense that I either should change lanes so I'm not behind them or that I am staying multiple car lengths behind the driver as to reduce the chance of me rear-ending them. This driver is displaying a lack of confidence and if non-events are causing this person to overexert their use of their breaks then if even the smallest of events were to happen it would result in this person full slamming on their breaks thus causing us to also respond in kind. If we were to close to them from the start: Blammo.

#3: If everyone is driving 45 MPH then it's smart to maintain the pack mentality and established status quo. If a jack ass (almost always driving a truck or SUV) feels that they are Highlanders and decide to drive 70 MPH then it is smart to stay in the far right lane. Jackasses always hate the right lane and will always jam away on the left. It would be foolish to drive 45 in that left lane because if someone is driving that fast then why put oneself into a position where this jackass would try to break (and possibly skid into you) or try to change lanes quickly to get out of the way and potentially lose control or endanger other vehicles.

All 3 examples above a things that I easily understand and am aware of. And I've only had my license for a little over 8-9 years yet I have managed to figure all of this out.

So why can't anyone else? Why is it that there are as many accidents on a day like today? Why can't people grasp these concepts? And why don't more people die each year because of this?

Some might say that it's inexperienced drivers that are the cause of this. But I digress that driving past all of these accidents that the ages were all over the place. Some might say it's experienced driver overconfidence that leads to this. There might be more merit to this and I'll touch on this later. Some could say that it's natural attributes of the driver that give some better driving skills and others worse skill. This also has some merit but ties into what I'll touch on later. Some could say it's the vehicle that makes a difference in how well one drives.  The main way I counter that point is that if I have a tool that I use all the time then I should be aware of the tools strengths and flaws and adjust accordingly it's usage based on the situation.

Ultimately I feel it comes down to this crucial fact:
The majority of most people are not qualified to drive a vehicle.

Think back to when you learned how to drive. I'm sure most of you will agree that the training or teaching that you received was not practical or paled in comparison to the actual experience of driving. We seem to use the criteria that if you are smart (or lucky) enough to pass a multiple choice test that you are worthy of a drivers permit. And that if you can maneuver an obstacle course or survive a half hour ride with a riding instructor that you are qualified to legally drive a car. We base a person's entire ability to drive a car on no less then an hour with a "Licensed" instructor. And that one hour is supposed to license a person for their lifetime to drive a 1 to 2 ton machine at high speeds.  And some of these people are complete morons. Yet we entrust them to act safely on a daily basis. And when these people are being taught, nobody ever tells them how to compensate for events such as snow. And when these people get older and lose their sharpness of their faculties we never retest them to ensure they are still capable of driving.

So some of you may ask what the solution is? And the sad part is that there is no solution. Any common sense that could be applied to these problems would never work in real life or would never come to fruition because nobody would agree to go along with the changes to improve this.

If we were to have stricter testing guidelines then it would definitely ensure that more people didn't get their licenses and would force people to rely on public transportation. Auto Manufacturers would never let this happen. This would kill their industry. And they would lobby against it.

If we were to apply I.Q. and reflex response tests to the drivers test to weed out those who lack a certain degree of mental and physical capacity to drive it would be considered discrimination of some sort and somebody would cry out against this.

If we were to try to mandate retesting at older ages to ensure that they can still competently drive it would never pass any vote. Because that's all old people like to do: Vote. And I can guarantee that they would squash it. Hell, most younger people would to because they'd realize what this would mean for them years down the line.

If we were to try to change the laws on what speeds could be driven when there is inclement weather it wouldn't make a difference because most people don't observe (or know) the current speed and driving rules and people would drive the way they always do. Yes, State Troopers could dole out more tickets but once again that doesn't seem to deter most people now.

In the end we have to just to accept that even though winter happens every year and the same situations continue to occur that all we can do is control what we ourselves can control and pray that the drivers alongside us aren't the end of us.

I hate trying to base my survival on the stupidity of others but then again if you were to ask them they'd say it's my fault and not theirs.

Oh well, only another several snow storms to go until we get to spring........

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Wait...those letters stand for something?!?

I like watching Top Chef. And that's because I like to cook and love getting ideas seeing these guys cook. This is a program on it's 6th season with Bravo. And in my opinion the only reason to watch Bravo.

Remember when Bravo used to be a channel focused on movies, acting, and the arts? No? Maybe that's because if you to watch the channel now you are subjected to several dozen reality shows...almost all of them awful except Top Chef. Bravo decided years ago to reinvent itself. Because the average person doesn't like to think when watching TV, they love watching reality shows because it takes that process out of viewing.
Now not all reality programs are bad. There are maybe 2 to 3 good ones. But the bad ones? Beyond horrible.
Bravo now has multiple programs dedicated to "The Real Housewives of 'Insert location here'". And they are vile unlikable hags. And we watch them because we love train wrecks. We love to see others suffer who aren't people we know. But as bad as Bravo is, they aren't the worst at the reinvention of their programing.

Remember MTV? Music Television? Oh, the still have music. That is if you are willing to be up at 3a.m. and you like to watch the same 10 videos. Some could say that MTV invented the first reality show with The Real World. The Real World was good enough for the first 3 seasons but then after that it got repetitive. You can only watch so many drunken conflicts before it all blurs together. But the funny thing is that MTV used to also have some fairly innovative shows. Back in the late 80's and most of the 90's MTV would break up the nonstop music videos with some shows that could be said helped shape other future shows. Beavis and Butthead may have been crude and lowbrow but it was one of the first shows to do it right. And the show still featured music as the duo ripped on bad videos. Other shows like The State and Liquid Television brought original humor and animation to the forefront.

But now? This is a totally unwatchable channel. The Hills? Real World/Road Rules Challenge? My Super Sweet 16? This is hollow vacant shit that is only influencing the worst of behaviors in our youth. I know the same could be said about Beavis and Butthead in the 90's but at least that show was done in jest. People actually buy into these lifestyles that are portrayed on the current crop of shows. And where MTV used to be the channel to find music? With the internet it makes MTV irrelevant. And that is sad because some of the videos made for MTV over the past 30 years were amazing pieces of art.

Remember MTV's sister station, Video Hits 1? When is the last time you saw a video on this station? Now when is the last time you saw a whore or a douchebag trying to find "Love" on a reality show full of wannabe actresses and actors who are willing to f#ck their way to their own show? Every other hour you can see crap like this. The station is almost like a medical study on how many different people with STDs can you get into a single location. And VH1 used to be the classy, adult oriented station. The change might have started with the I Love The #### series but at least those shows were kind of amusing walks down memory lane. Then VH1 thought we wanted to see who wants to blow Flavor Flav and Bret Michaels. And then they thought we wanted to see shows on who wants to screw the people who wanted to blow Flavor Flav and Bret Michaels. Classy indeed.

TLC? The Learning Channel? I have learned that I don't want to watch this channel because all it shows are people who have given birth to several kids if only to have a better shot at having a compatible organ donor (At least that's my theory) or midgets and cakes. There is nothing to learn from this.

I can keep going on and list all the bad new directions of all these horrible networks but it would just depress me.

There are a handful that networks that have reinvented themselves or have shown original programming that stays true to the networks theme (See Discovery Channel and AMC...both have put out great series over the past several years). But it's going to be sad to say that these will always be in the minority.

So now that Top Chef is over, I'm going to switch it over to Mythbusters and see things that I always wanted to do or test.

Right on. See you all later.