Wrestling with my memories

I was watching wresting the other night and I have to say that it doesn't hold up like it did in the old days.
You see, in the old days, it was a probably a 40/60 mix of talent and gimmick, in that respective order.
In the 80's you didn't have to be in any tone or shape to be a wrestler. Now I know that everyone says that the 80's was where steroids became prominent but when you watch old matches and see guys like Hillbilly Jim or Arn Anderson you have to know that the juicers were far and few. Or at least were very obvious. See Lex Luger.

But watching wrestling as a kid made me realize how stupid I was. Or for that fact, how stupid must adult fans were too. As a kid, I thought professional wrestling was a sport. A lot of people did. When I saw Hulk Hogan get hurt badly, I was yelling at the T.V. screen with great concern. Hulk Hogan was HURT! He can't LOSE!? Can he?
But sure enough, Hulk would then get to his feet, shaking his hands, waving the finger, the big boot and the leg drop. Living room goes wild.
Damn I was stupid.

Now as a kid, I can understand why I might have overlooked certain things. Adults? I have no explanation. It must have been the New Coke formula messing with our brains.

Here's some reasons why I should have know wrestling was fake as a kid:

#1: The Gimmicks. This should have been the number one tip off on it not being a sport. It all starts with Ted Dibiase. Or you might know him as The Million Dollar Man. He would get into the ring wearing a diamond encrusted gold belt with a big $ on it. He would pay people in the crowd money to do stupid things, if only to embarrass them and show how as a millionaire he was better then him. But here is the million dollar question: Why would a millionaire need to wrestle professionally? He's a MILLIONAIRE.  In todays modern wrestling it's not unheard of that some of the wrestlers are worth that much. In the 80's? Not so much. Other gimmicks made just as little sense. Why would Nikoli Volkoff be allowed to wrestle in the United States? Weren't we in the middle of a Cold War? How did he get a work visa?  If George the Animal Steele is really that unbalanced then wouldn't it be a hazard to have him wrestle? The Undertaker defies logic. Was he dead? Was he possessed? And what was his motivation to wrestle? Let's not forget the Ultimate Warrior. That guy was batshit crazy. He was an entertaining batshit crazy but listen to his interviews on You Tube and you'll understand why that, combined with everything else above, should have been the obvious tip off that wrestling was fake.

#2: The referees. I know every professional sport has players, coaches, and owners who complain about the referees. And yes, there are calls that are blown weekly that impact the outcome of those contests. But Pro Wrestling? Worst referees ever. This was the common formula for a wrestling match: Good Guy wrestler is winning. Bad Guy wrestler is losing. Bad Guy wrestler's manager, valet, or associate causes distraction. Bad Guy wrestler obtains foreign object. Good Guy is victim of foreign object. Bad Guy wins! And this series of events happened every week. Sometimes twice on the same show. And Championship Titles would be lost this way. And these referees that would blow these matches? They would still be officiating the next week.
And the pattern would repeat. And the funny thing? If a wrestler were to lose the title, you'd have to think that the commissioner would see the footage, fire the ref, and reverse the decision. But it never happens.  Is it any wonder why Vegas didn't take bets on wrestling back then?

#3: STEEL EVERYTHING!!! When a wrester gets hit by a chair it isn't just a chair, it's a STEEL chair. Thrown into the guard rail? Uh uh, it was a STEEL guard rail. Heads are ran into STEEL steps. Oh my god! He was just hit with a STEEL chain!!! Are those brass knuckles? Fuck no! Those are STEEL knuckles!! STEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!
If there was one thing all wrestling announcers wanted you to know it's that everything was made out of steel. And steel is the most dangerous thing to a wrestler. And if a wrestler were to be hit with that much steel in real life with the velocity being used? They'd be dead. Yet they never were.......

#4: The Wrestling Manager. This is an absurd concept that made no sense. Wrestlers, mostly bad guy wrestlers, had managers. Now these managers, in theory, were supposed to be advisors who were supposed to help coach their wrestler in strategy in order for them beat their opponent. But as stated as above, they would mostly run interference so their wrestler could cheat, usually with a STEEL object. Bobby Heenen, Freddie Blassie, Captain Lou Albino, Paul Ellering, J.J. Dillon....none of these guys ever seemed to do anything other then cheat. Maybe that was their strategy. But any dumb ass could come up with that on their own. And if you didn't have the smarts to be a manager? You were a valet. Meaning you were a hot chick that distracted the Ref with their hotness. And sometimes you were a pimp like Slick. And Paul Bearer (Get it?....duh....)? Sometimes you were a funeral home owner who carried an urn. Huh.

#5: Hulk Hogan. As my final entry as to why wrestling was fake in the 80's, I go back to an earlier point. I give you the inventor of Hulkamania. Actually, that was probably Vince McMahon's idea. Actually, anything about Hogan was all because of Vince. Yes, Hogan had a name for himself well before coming to the WWF but Vince marketed him perfectly and made Hogan synonymous with wrestling. Vince came up with a great formula. But the problem was that he ran the formula into the ground. Remember the situation I listed above where Hogan would get hurt, Hulk up, do his thing, and win? It happened almost all the time. Almost every detail EXACTLY the same each time. We could almost set our watches to this moment. At the 3/4 part of every match that scenario would happen. Now if that incident only happened once in Hogan's career then it would be a thing of legend. But to happen almost every match? Scripted beyond all belief.

So I seem to be bashing the 80's wrestling a lot. Especially after saying the current state of wrestling is much worse. And it is. All that hokey fun that was the 80's was still fun. Now, wrestling is 30/20/50. That is 30% image, 20% talent, and 40% gimmick. Why do I have image and gimmick as two separate things? All wrestlers have to have a certain over muscular look. It's harder to tell most of them apart. The Talent side? Doesn't matter anymore. There are some good wrestlers out there, but they are far and few. And the Gimmick is more important then ever. Everyone has a catch phrase. Everyone shouts into the mic. Everyone is a stereotype of a stereotype.

But somewhere out there....an 8 year old thinks it's real.
And in the end, anything is as real as you want to believe it is.

Top Ten Downers of the Decade

You want to know what sucks? How about these things:

#1: Talented people dying because of dumb reasons. Too much prescriptions drugs......Freak Accidents......Other random mean.....it's safe to say that peoples careers are being cut too short because of the wrong reasons.

#2: 9/11. This was a horrible tragedy that occurred. But the fallout from it has been haunting the country for the past several years and was much more damaging then the initial event itself. This was our the loss of our innocence for our generation. 

#3: Celebrities getting known for their antics verses their talent. When we look back at of the celebrity meltdowns of the past decade it seems we tend to value and encourage these behaviors more then what they should be known for. This has led to a bunch of.....

#4: Pointless reality shows. Especially those dedicated to some douchebag or douchebaggette trying to find their "true love". You take some skanky B-list star and then try to have him find "love" among a dozen of whore mongering wannabe actors or actresses. And the losers of this "competition"? They get their own shows. Bleh.

#5: The Prequel Star Wars Trilogies. Stiff acting. Bad CGI comic relief. Poor writing. I will admit when these movies came out that  I liked them. But not for the above reason. They were visually good movies that had potential that was never discovered because none of Lucas's closest friends or advisors had the balls to tell the man he was making crap.

#6: The loss of literacy. I feel bad for future generations. With the internet being such a amazing resource there is a big downside to this. If I was a teenager, why would I spend a week to read a book when I can just look up the plot and ending online and get the results instantly? I feel concerned that with access to the end results that no one will learn the patience you get from reading nor do you learn the context of how you get there.

#7: Buffalo Wild Wings not having Smokey Southwestern sauce anymore. Yes, it's nowhere as near as grand as the others but I really liked that sauce.

#8: Great shows being cancelled or cut short because: No one gives them a shot, Networks don't support them and give the shows bad time slots; Or these great shows require thinking or a much more clever line of thought. At least Lost and Battlestar Galalctica have been able to seen it through to the end.

#9: Greedy Business fucking over others and then when they start to fall apart they ask the Government to bail them out. It's hard to become rich without screwing someone over. And while executives still collect bonuses, the smaller people in the equation either lose their jobs or the government is still waiting to get paid back from the money they gave to save the business in the first place.

#10: The loss of a son.

Top 10 new technologies!

Here's the second of my lists.

I live and die by technology. And here are the top 10 technologies this past decade I love the most.

#1: The MP3 Player. Before this technology I had to settle for a discman that would skip all the time as well as could only hold 1 disc at at time. Even with CD burning technology it was still very restrictive. Now I have a device that can hold as much music as I want and allow me to bring it anywhere I want. And now that they can do videos too? Why would I need anything else unless.....

....#2: Cell Phones......I had a cell phone that could do all of those functions to a lesser degree. Internet, GPS, MP3, Video, communication, organization, or any other function I could ever need. For the past several years I haven't had a home phone. And each year my cell phones do more and more.

#3: X-Box 360. Yes, I know....you could argue that the Playstation 3 or Wii can be here but if you wanted a system that has taken the video game medium to another level then you don't have to look any further then this system. Excellent online setup, great exclusive games, and more multimedia functions added to it yearly make it fantastic. If they just didn't Red Ring as much as they did.

#4: HDTV's. It took the majority of the decade to refine them and get the costs down but now it's impossible to imagine watching TV, movies, or playing games on anything else. The world never looked prettier or uglier if that's what you're watching.

#5: GPS. Going into the unknown never has been as easy without this easy piece of technology. No more atlases, no more maps, no more half assed directions. Just type in and go.

#6: Bluray players. Sony finally got a format right. There is no reason to justify spending $30 to go to the movies anymore when you can wait a few months and buy the movie and see it in a quality that is 10 times better then anything you could ever see.

#7: Netflix. It's not a technology but it has definitely changed how people view and watch things. For a simple fee each month you can rent unlimited movies and see things you might have missed in the past. And with most TV being on DVD it makes it easier to watch shows that you maybe started late on. Add in the new streaming feature and it's hard to argue how Netflix has put thousands of video stores out of business.

#8: The Playstation 2. Why the PS2 and not the PS3? Backwards compatibility, DVD playback, surround sound support, and a huge list of 3rd party companies making games exclusively for Sony. This system changed the view that gaming systems were only for games as well as had a solid line up of titles support it.

#9: The Digital Camera. The death of film came at the hands of a technology that only keeps getting better resolution, smaller in size, and more cost effective.

#10: The Internet. Do I need to explain this one? Tell you what, why don't you Google the internet and see what comes up.

That's all for now!