So before I do this I need you to know that this list is buying into the bull$h!t. A lot of outlets are doing their "Top whatever lists of the decade". Technically, the decade doesn't begin until 2011. But I'm bored and because of that you get a list out of me.
The first list is my favorite T.V. moments of the decade. This list will most likely be wrong in many ways because I'm not putting thought into this. I will surely look back at this in a week and hate myself for forgetting something. Buy that is what life is: Hating the things you didn't know in the past.
So, onward:
(In no particular order and with SPOILERS ...SO LOOK AT YOUR OWN RISK!)
#1: The Sopranos episode "Long Term Parking" (2004). There is nothing more awesome then the moment when Adriana is looking at the woods driving by with the dawning realization that is going to happen next.
#2: The Battlestar Galactica original series mini-series (2003). I watched this on Sci-Fi channel when it first came out because I remember watching the original show as a kid and was wondering if it would be just as cheesy. I was never so glad to be wrong as I watched civilizations die and saw the realistic portrayal of society trying to run from it's enemy and realizing that they may be just as dangerous to themselves.
#3: Battlestar Galactica episode "33" (2004). So much tension and suspense and it helped set the tone for much of the series of the difficult moral decisions that will have to be made for the survival of humanity.
#4: Lost episode "Through the Looking Glass" (2007). There is something to be said that when a character is killed in a show and you feel sad, angry, and as well as content on how it happened and when that does happen you know it was done well. Charlie's death is probably one of the truly most poignant deaths in TV history especially when you see how it was all in vain.
#5: Arrested Development episode "Good Grief" (2004). The Charlie Brown references make this episode such a charming inside joke.
#6: The Venture Brothers episode "Hate Floats" (2006). The opening scene in this episode is an ode to nerds and geeks everywhere. This episode is proof on how if you have great secondary characters that they can carry an entire episode.
#7: The Venture Brothers episode "Escape to the House of the Mummies Part 2" (2006). First, the important thing to know if you decide to go watch this episode is that there there was never a part 1. This episodes main plot is actually a sub plot that can only make sense if you try really hard. But seeing the battle of science vs. magic between Venture and Dr Orpheus is priceless. Guilty pleasures? A oiled up garbage bag. hilarious.
#8: Better Off Ted episode "Racial Sensitivity" (2009). The sad thing is that this show will get cancelled. I can feel it. The great thing? At least they were able to put out an episode so over the line it's amazing that someone didn't complain about it.
#9: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia episode "Who Pooped the Bed?" (2008). Why did they do an episode like this? Because poop is funny. And so is this episode.
#10: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia episode "The Nightman Cometh" (2008). A good joke from an earlier season is turned into an amazing episode of absurdity. This episode makes you cringe and laugh so much it makes you be thankful for cable TV outlets for shows like this to happen.
So this is list #1!
More to come this weekend!
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Sunday, December 27, 2009
The Hell-idays are finally over.......
It's been a while.
Working in retail is always rough this time of the year. I work at Best Buy and have done so for the past 10 years. And every year it's the same marathon-like endurance run that I have to go through.
From the start of November to the end of December it's a grueling crawl to make it through the year. It all starts with the preparation that I have to do beforehand which leads up to the 13+ hour day I work on Black Friday to the maniacal last weeks leading up to Christmas Eve. And finally I'm in the end run of the return/exchange season where people dump off other peoples best intentions and use up all their gift cards.
It's been these two months that make it very hard for me to enjoy both Thanksgiving and Christmas.
Now, this isn't whining. This is the life I have chosen. This puts money in my account which in turn supports my wife and myself. I know that every year that I will work amazingly hard. It's o.k., though because the other several months of the year are easy to manage.
What makes it very hard to enjoy this time of the year is seeing the worst in others. Every year it's seeing the pettiness and most selfish of emotions in shoppers that frustrates me.
On Black Friday, I see behaviors that borders on obsessive and abusive that doesn't make me feel good about the holidays. When I see a line that goes about 100+ yards wrapping around our parking lot it doesn't make me feel good knowing that peoples wishes will be fulfilled. Instead it disgusts me to know that half of those people in that long line will just resell those doorbusters on Ebay and Craigslist therefor depriving people who would really enjoy those items and forcing people to go through less then reputable channels to make those dreams come true.
I see thousands of people who display ignorant behaviors who only think of themselves and vent their anger and frustration on employees who are only trying to make a living and aren't worthy of the abuse that is given to them.
I see where the holidays have become materialistic and where all worships of faith are put to the wayside and instead are replaced by the charge of consumerism.
I see where people value the presents given and received more then the time spent with family.
I see that every year it get worse.
I watched The Charlie Brown Christmas like I do every year. And the message in it is so right on yet seems to get further and further away from the reality of now.
It could be said that if this bothers me as much as it does then why keep working at a place that helps bring all of this to the forefront of my life?
Because even if I were to walk away I'd still know the behaviors and culture is still out there. And even though I would no longer be near the epicenter of the storm, I can still see the damage it does from a distance.
So I now prepare to relax and look forward to the next year. And in the end I'm grateful that it's another year I get to see. I just wish I didn't have to see it get worse each year. And I hope that it eventually gets better.
Happy New Year , Everyone.
Working in retail is always rough this time of the year. I work at Best Buy and have done so for the past 10 years. And every year it's the same marathon-like endurance run that I have to go through.
From the start of November to the end of December it's a grueling crawl to make it through the year. It all starts with the preparation that I have to do beforehand which leads up to the 13+ hour day I work on Black Friday to the maniacal last weeks leading up to Christmas Eve. And finally I'm in the end run of the return/exchange season where people dump off other peoples best intentions and use up all their gift cards.
It's been these two months that make it very hard for me to enjoy both Thanksgiving and Christmas.
Now, this isn't whining. This is the life I have chosen. This puts money in my account which in turn supports my wife and myself. I know that every year that I will work amazingly hard. It's o.k., though because the other several months of the year are easy to manage.
What makes it very hard to enjoy this time of the year is seeing the worst in others. Every year it's seeing the pettiness and most selfish of emotions in shoppers that frustrates me.
On Black Friday, I see behaviors that borders on obsessive and abusive that doesn't make me feel good about the holidays. When I see a line that goes about 100+ yards wrapping around our parking lot it doesn't make me feel good knowing that peoples wishes will be fulfilled. Instead it disgusts me to know that half of those people in that long line will just resell those doorbusters on Ebay and Craigslist therefor depriving people who would really enjoy those items and forcing people to go through less then reputable channels to make those dreams come true.
I see thousands of people who display ignorant behaviors who only think of themselves and vent their anger and frustration on employees who are only trying to make a living and aren't worthy of the abuse that is given to them.
I see where the holidays have become materialistic and where all worships of faith are put to the wayside and instead are replaced by the charge of consumerism.
I see where people value the presents given and received more then the time spent with family.
I see that every year it get worse.
I watched The Charlie Brown Christmas like I do every year. And the message in it is so right on yet seems to get further and further away from the reality of now.
It could be said that if this bothers me as much as it does then why keep working at a place that helps bring all of this to the forefront of my life?
Because even if I were to walk away I'd still know the behaviors and culture is still out there. And even though I would no longer be near the epicenter of the storm, I can still see the damage it does from a distance.
So I now prepare to relax and look forward to the next year. And in the end I'm grateful that it's another year I get to see. I just wish I didn't have to see it get worse each year. And I hope that it eventually gets better.
Happy New Year , Everyone.
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
Why can't us Minnesotan's handle driving during winter?
So if you were to go to most peoples Facebook or Twitter pages I can guarantee that the majority of most people are making clever observations about " I hate winter!" or "Stupid Snow!". To put into context if you aren't reading this as this storm has occurred but we just got several inches of snow dumped on us.
It's amusing that people gripe about the weather as much as they do in Minnesota.
It's not like it's a phenomenon that never occurs here. Hell, we can always bank on a good 6 or 7 storms from November to March that always cause headaches. We live in Minnesota therefor it will snow. Now if a hurricane were to strike us I can understand the astonishment. That would be some freaky crap.
But instead we get snow. And we know we will get snow.
So why the hell is it that the majority of most motorists don't know how to drive in this weather? Why can't we as natives comprehend what this weather is capable of doing and adjust accordingly?
Today on the way home I drove past 6 accidents. Out of these 6 accidents, 3 of them involved a minimum of 3 vehicles in each accident. That means that is was a team effort for this type of mayhem to go down.
Now I know that some might point out that maybe this was all caused by the carelessness of a single driver impacting others. But I think that in this type of situation that we as motorists need to understand that as much as we control how we drive that we cannot control the driving of others. A smart person then would adjust their driving style to be much more defensive and would not just be gauging their own adjustments but also the patterns and adjustments of those driving around us.
Here are some examples:
#1: If I were to see a car ahead of me that is ducking in and out of lanes regardless of icy road conditions and constrained visibility then it would only make sense to try to keep distance from this car. The driver has obviously disregarded common sense driving and is aggressive so it would be foolish to put myself in a situation where this person's arrogance could cause me harm.
#2: If I were to see a person driving ahead of me who is hitting their breaks every 2 seconds then it would only make sense that I either should change lanes so I'm not behind them or that I am staying multiple car lengths behind the driver as to reduce the chance of me rear-ending them. This driver is displaying a lack of confidence and if non-events are causing this person to overexert their use of their breaks then if even the smallest of events were to happen it would result in this person full slamming on their breaks thus causing us to also respond in kind. If we were to close to them from the start: Blammo.
#3: If everyone is driving 45 MPH then it's smart to maintain the pack mentality and established status quo. If a jack ass (almost always driving a truck or SUV) feels that they are Highlanders and decide to drive 70 MPH then it is smart to stay in the far right lane. Jackasses always hate the right lane and will always jam away on the left. It would be foolish to drive 45 in that left lane because if someone is driving that fast then why put oneself into a position where this jackass would try to break (and possibly skid into you) or try to change lanes quickly to get out of the way and potentially lose control or endanger other vehicles.
All 3 examples above a things that I easily understand and am aware of. And I've only had my license for a little over 8-9 years yet I have managed to figure all of this out.
So why can't anyone else? Why is it that there are as many accidents on a day like today? Why can't people grasp these concepts? And why don't more people die each year because of this?
Some might say that it's inexperienced drivers that are the cause of this. But I digress that driving past all of these accidents that the ages were all over the place. Some might say it's experienced driver overconfidence that leads to this. There might be more merit to this and I'll touch on this later. Some could say that it's natural attributes of the driver that give some better driving skills and others worse skill. This also has some merit but ties into what I'll touch on later. Some could say it's the vehicle that makes a difference in how well one drives. The main way I counter that point is that if I have a tool that I use all the time then I should be aware of the tools strengths and flaws and adjust accordingly it's usage based on the situation.
Ultimately I feel it comes down to this crucial fact:
The majority of most people are not qualified to drive a vehicle.
Think back to when you learned how to drive. I'm sure most of you will agree that the training or teaching that you received was not practical or paled in comparison to the actual experience of driving. We seem to use the criteria that if you are smart (or lucky) enough to pass a multiple choice test that you are worthy of a drivers permit. And that if you can maneuver an obstacle course or survive a half hour ride with a riding instructor that you are qualified to legally drive a car. We base a person's entire ability to drive a car on no less then an hour with a "Licensed" instructor. And that one hour is supposed to license a person for their lifetime to drive a 1 to 2 ton machine at high speeds. And some of these people are complete morons. Yet we entrust them to act safely on a daily basis. And when these people are being taught, nobody ever tells them how to compensate for events such as snow. And when these people get older and lose their sharpness of their faculties we never retest them to ensure they are still capable of driving.
So some of you may ask what the solution is? And the sad part is that there is no solution. Any common sense that could be applied to these problems would never work in real life or would never come to fruition because nobody would agree to go along with the changes to improve this.
If we were to have stricter testing guidelines then it would definitely ensure that more people didn't get their licenses and would force people to rely on public transportation. Auto Manufacturers would never let this happen. This would kill their industry. And they would lobby against it.
If we were to apply I.Q. and reflex response tests to the drivers test to weed out those who lack a certain degree of mental and physical capacity to drive it would be considered discrimination of some sort and somebody would cry out against this.
If we were to try to mandate retesting at older ages to ensure that they can still competently drive it would never pass any vote. Because that's all old people like to do: Vote. And I can guarantee that they would squash it. Hell, most younger people would to because they'd realize what this would mean for them years down the line.
If we were to try to change the laws on what speeds could be driven when there is inclement weather it wouldn't make a difference because most people don't observe (or know) the current speed and driving rules and people would drive the way they always do. Yes, State Troopers could dole out more tickets but once again that doesn't seem to deter most people now.
In the end we have to just to accept that even though winter happens every year and the same situations continue to occur that all we can do is control what we ourselves can control and pray that the drivers alongside us aren't the end of us.
I hate trying to base my survival on the stupidity of others but then again if you were to ask them they'd say it's my fault and not theirs.
Oh well, only another several snow storms to go until we get to spring........
It's amusing that people gripe about the weather as much as they do in Minnesota.
It's not like it's a phenomenon that never occurs here. Hell, we can always bank on a good 6 or 7 storms from November to March that always cause headaches. We live in Minnesota therefor it will snow. Now if a hurricane were to strike us I can understand the astonishment. That would be some freaky crap.
But instead we get snow. And we know we will get snow.
So why the hell is it that the majority of most motorists don't know how to drive in this weather? Why can't we as natives comprehend what this weather is capable of doing and adjust accordingly?
Today on the way home I drove past 6 accidents. Out of these 6 accidents, 3 of them involved a minimum of 3 vehicles in each accident. That means that is was a team effort for this type of mayhem to go down.
Now I know that some might point out that maybe this was all caused by the carelessness of a single driver impacting others. But I think that in this type of situation that we as motorists need to understand that as much as we control how we drive that we cannot control the driving of others. A smart person then would adjust their driving style to be much more defensive and would not just be gauging their own adjustments but also the patterns and adjustments of those driving around us.
Here are some examples:
#1: If I were to see a car ahead of me that is ducking in and out of lanes regardless of icy road conditions and constrained visibility then it would only make sense to try to keep distance from this car. The driver has obviously disregarded common sense driving and is aggressive so it would be foolish to put myself in a situation where this person's arrogance could cause me harm.
#2: If I were to see a person driving ahead of me who is hitting their breaks every 2 seconds then it would only make sense that I either should change lanes so I'm not behind them or that I am staying multiple car lengths behind the driver as to reduce the chance of me rear-ending them. This driver is displaying a lack of confidence and if non-events are causing this person to overexert their use of their breaks then if even the smallest of events were to happen it would result in this person full slamming on their breaks thus causing us to also respond in kind. If we were to close to them from the start: Blammo.
#3: If everyone is driving 45 MPH then it's smart to maintain the pack mentality and established status quo. If a jack ass (almost always driving a truck or SUV) feels that they are Highlanders and decide to drive 70 MPH then it is smart to stay in the far right lane. Jackasses always hate the right lane and will always jam away on the left. It would be foolish to drive 45 in that left lane because if someone is driving that fast then why put oneself into a position where this jackass would try to break (and possibly skid into you) or try to change lanes quickly to get out of the way and potentially lose control or endanger other vehicles.
All 3 examples above a things that I easily understand and am aware of. And I've only had my license for a little over 8-9 years yet I have managed to figure all of this out.
So why can't anyone else? Why is it that there are as many accidents on a day like today? Why can't people grasp these concepts? And why don't more people die each year because of this?
Some might say that it's inexperienced drivers that are the cause of this. But I digress that driving past all of these accidents that the ages were all over the place. Some might say it's experienced driver overconfidence that leads to this. There might be more merit to this and I'll touch on this later. Some could say that it's natural attributes of the driver that give some better driving skills and others worse skill. This also has some merit but ties into what I'll touch on later. Some could say it's the vehicle that makes a difference in how well one drives. The main way I counter that point is that if I have a tool that I use all the time then I should be aware of the tools strengths and flaws and adjust accordingly it's usage based on the situation.
Ultimately I feel it comes down to this crucial fact:
The majority of most people are not qualified to drive a vehicle.
Think back to when you learned how to drive. I'm sure most of you will agree that the training or teaching that you received was not practical or paled in comparison to the actual experience of driving. We seem to use the criteria that if you are smart (or lucky) enough to pass a multiple choice test that you are worthy of a drivers permit. And that if you can maneuver an obstacle course or survive a half hour ride with a riding instructor that you are qualified to legally drive a car. We base a person's entire ability to drive a car on no less then an hour with a "Licensed" instructor. And that one hour is supposed to license a person for their lifetime to drive a 1 to 2 ton machine at high speeds. And some of these people are complete morons. Yet we entrust them to act safely on a daily basis. And when these people are being taught, nobody ever tells them how to compensate for events such as snow. And when these people get older and lose their sharpness of their faculties we never retest them to ensure they are still capable of driving.
So some of you may ask what the solution is? And the sad part is that there is no solution. Any common sense that could be applied to these problems would never work in real life or would never come to fruition because nobody would agree to go along with the changes to improve this.
If we were to have stricter testing guidelines then it would definitely ensure that more people didn't get their licenses and would force people to rely on public transportation. Auto Manufacturers would never let this happen. This would kill their industry. And they would lobby against it.
If we were to apply I.Q. and reflex response tests to the drivers test to weed out those who lack a certain degree of mental and physical capacity to drive it would be considered discrimination of some sort and somebody would cry out against this.
If we were to try to mandate retesting at older ages to ensure that they can still competently drive it would never pass any vote. Because that's all old people like to do: Vote. And I can guarantee that they would squash it. Hell, most younger people would to because they'd realize what this would mean for them years down the line.
If we were to try to change the laws on what speeds could be driven when there is inclement weather it wouldn't make a difference because most people don't observe (or know) the current speed and driving rules and people would drive the way they always do. Yes, State Troopers could dole out more tickets but once again that doesn't seem to deter most people now.
In the end we have to just to accept that even though winter happens every year and the same situations continue to occur that all we can do is control what we ourselves can control and pray that the drivers alongside us aren't the end of us.
I hate trying to base my survival on the stupidity of others but then again if you were to ask them they'd say it's my fault and not theirs.
Oh well, only another several snow storms to go until we get to spring........
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
Wait...those letters stand for something?!?
I like watching Top Chef. And that's because I like to cook and love getting ideas seeing these guys cook. This is a program on it's 6th season with Bravo. And in my opinion the only reason to watch Bravo.
Remember when Bravo used to be a channel focused on movies, acting, and the arts? No? Maybe that's because if you to watch the channel now you are subjected to several dozen reality shows...almost all of them awful except Top Chef. Bravo decided years ago to reinvent itself. Because the average person doesn't like to think when watching TV, they love watching reality shows because it takes that process out of viewing.
Now not all reality programs are bad. There are maybe 2 to 3 good ones. But the bad ones? Beyond horrible.
Bravo now has multiple programs dedicated to "The Real Housewives of 'Insert location here'". And they are vile unlikable hags. And we watch them because we love train wrecks. We love to see others suffer who aren't people we know. But as bad as Bravo is, they aren't the worst at the reinvention of their programing.
Remember MTV? Music Television? Oh, the still have music. That is if you are willing to be up at 3a.m. and you like to watch the same 10 videos. Some could say that MTV invented the first reality show with The Real World. The Real World was good enough for the first 3 seasons but then after that it got repetitive. You can only watch so many drunken conflicts before it all blurs together. But the funny thing is that MTV used to also have some fairly innovative shows. Back in the late 80's and most of the 90's MTV would break up the nonstop music videos with some shows that could be said helped shape other future shows. Beavis and Butthead may have been crude and lowbrow but it was one of the first shows to do it right. And the show still featured music as the duo ripped on bad videos. Other shows like The State and Liquid Television brought original humor and animation to the forefront.
But now? This is a totally unwatchable channel. The Hills? Real World/Road Rules Challenge? My Super Sweet 16? This is hollow vacant shit that is only influencing the worst of behaviors in our youth. I know the same could be said about Beavis and Butthead in the 90's but at least that show was done in jest. People actually buy into these lifestyles that are portrayed on the current crop of shows. And where MTV used to be the channel to find music? With the internet it makes MTV irrelevant. And that is sad because some of the videos made for MTV over the past 30 years were amazing pieces of art.
Remember MTV's sister station, Video Hits 1? When is the last time you saw a video on this station? Now when is the last time you saw a whore or a douchebag trying to find "Love" on a reality show full of wannabe actresses and actors who are willing to f#ck their way to their own show? Every other hour you can see crap like this. The station is almost like a medical study on how many different people with STDs can you get into a single location. And VH1 used to be the classy, adult oriented station. The change might have started with the I Love The #### series but at least those shows were kind of amusing walks down memory lane. Then VH1 thought we wanted to see who wants to blow Flavor Flav and Bret Michaels. And then they thought we wanted to see shows on who wants to screw the people who wanted to blow Flavor Flav and Bret Michaels. Classy indeed.
TLC? The Learning Channel? I have learned that I don't want to watch this channel because all it shows are people who have given birth to several kids if only to have a better shot at having a compatible organ donor (At least that's my theory) or midgets and cakes. There is nothing to learn from this.
I can keep going on and list all the bad new directions of all these horrible networks but it would just depress me.
There are a handful that networks that have reinvented themselves or have shown original programming that stays true to the networks theme (See Discovery Channel and AMC...both have put out great series over the past several years). But it's going to be sad to say that these will always be in the minority.
So now that Top Chef is over, I'm going to switch it over to Mythbusters and see things that I always wanted to do or test.
Right on. See you all later.
Remember when Bravo used to be a channel focused on movies, acting, and the arts? No? Maybe that's because if you to watch the channel now you are subjected to several dozen reality shows...almost all of them awful except Top Chef. Bravo decided years ago to reinvent itself. Because the average person doesn't like to think when watching TV, they love watching reality shows because it takes that process out of viewing.
Now not all reality programs are bad. There are maybe 2 to 3 good ones. But the bad ones? Beyond horrible.
Bravo now has multiple programs dedicated to "The Real Housewives of 'Insert location here'". And they are vile unlikable hags. And we watch them because we love train wrecks. We love to see others suffer who aren't people we know. But as bad as Bravo is, they aren't the worst at the reinvention of their programing.
Remember MTV? Music Television? Oh, the still have music. That is if you are willing to be up at 3a.m. and you like to watch the same 10 videos. Some could say that MTV invented the first reality show with The Real World. The Real World was good enough for the first 3 seasons but then after that it got repetitive. You can only watch so many drunken conflicts before it all blurs together. But the funny thing is that MTV used to also have some fairly innovative shows. Back in the late 80's and most of the 90's MTV would break up the nonstop music videos with some shows that could be said helped shape other future shows. Beavis and Butthead may have been crude and lowbrow but it was one of the first shows to do it right. And the show still featured music as the duo ripped on bad videos. Other shows like The State and Liquid Television brought original humor and animation to the forefront.
But now? This is a totally unwatchable channel. The Hills? Real World/Road Rules Challenge? My Super Sweet 16? This is hollow vacant shit that is only influencing the worst of behaviors in our youth. I know the same could be said about Beavis and Butthead in the 90's but at least that show was done in jest. People actually buy into these lifestyles that are portrayed on the current crop of shows. And where MTV used to be the channel to find music? With the internet it makes MTV irrelevant. And that is sad because some of the videos made for MTV over the past 30 years were amazing pieces of art.
Remember MTV's sister station, Video Hits 1? When is the last time you saw a video on this station? Now when is the last time you saw a whore or a douchebag trying to find "Love" on a reality show full of wannabe actresses and actors who are willing to f#ck their way to their own show? Every other hour you can see crap like this. The station is almost like a medical study on how many different people with STDs can you get into a single location. And VH1 used to be the classy, adult oriented station. The change might have started with the I Love The #### series but at least those shows were kind of amusing walks down memory lane. Then VH1 thought we wanted to see who wants to blow Flavor Flav and Bret Michaels. And then they thought we wanted to see shows on who wants to screw the people who wanted to blow Flavor Flav and Bret Michaels. Classy indeed.
TLC? The Learning Channel? I have learned that I don't want to watch this channel because all it shows are people who have given birth to several kids if only to have a better shot at having a compatible organ donor (At least that's my theory) or midgets and cakes. There is nothing to learn from this.
I can keep going on and list all the bad new directions of all these horrible networks but it would just depress me.
There are a handful that networks that have reinvented themselves or have shown original programming that stays true to the networks theme (See Discovery Channel and AMC...both have put out great series over the past several years). But it's going to be sad to say that these will always be in the minority.
So now that Top Chef is over, I'm going to switch it over to Mythbusters and see things that I always wanted to do or test.
Right on. See you all later.
Thursday, November 26, 2009
On a day like this it's good to be Thankfull for stupid things.
My week of hell is almost at an end.
Working retail will hurt you every time.
But on Thanksgiving there is always something stupid you can make fun of.
Here's my top five:
#1: Thanksgiving day parades.
I've never been a fan of parades to begin with. Cars driving by with people waving. Horses or other animals going by and crapping. At least several performance squads from local high schools or colleges. All at a very slow pace. It's heaven for old people. But here is when parades even get worse: When they are on TV.
WTF? Really? What entertainment can be gleamed from watching this on TV? Worst Idea Ever.
#2: Stores being closed.
Why? What makes this holiday big enough to have everything closed? If I need some milk that means I have to pay $9.00 at a local gas station. I call bullshit. I will never understand the love affair between the average person and Thanksgiving/Columbus Day. We wiped out the Native Americans, how should be celebrate? Shut down banks and let's eat Turkey!!!
#3: This being the only holiday that people seem to eat turkey.
If you want a good turkey you unfortunately have to wait for this time of the year. This seems to be a horrible tradition. Let's expand our horizons. "Hmmm, how what should I make for Arbor Day dinner this year? I got it! Turkey!!". Let's make this bird know fear mankind year round. Next time you have a Bar Mitzvah, a wake, Valentines Day, or are recovering from a heart attack: Think Turkey.
#4: The Detroit Lions.
They haven't been a good team for over a decade. Quit making it mandatory that they have to have games broadcast on Thanksgiving.
#5: People who start lining up at retail stores midday Thanksgiving.
About noon today the first of a large group of deranged shoppers will start lining up at retail outlets everywhere just so they can save a little extra money. Or worse, they're resellers who buy up these deals only to exploit buyers on EBay or Craigslist. For 10 years I have faced the likes of these people. And I still have to ask, is it worth it? And because of them I have to wake up every Black Friday morning at 1:30 A.M.
So now I'm off to clean the floors, sit in a chair, and watch the Lions lose again.
Then it's off to bed at 7 P.M. tonight.
*Sigh*.....
Working retail will hurt you every time.
But on Thanksgiving there is always something stupid you can make fun of.
Here's my top five:
#1: Thanksgiving day parades.
I've never been a fan of parades to begin with. Cars driving by with people waving. Horses or other animals going by and crapping. At least several performance squads from local high schools or colleges. All at a very slow pace. It's heaven for old people. But here is when parades even get worse: When they are on TV.
WTF? Really? What entertainment can be gleamed from watching this on TV? Worst Idea Ever.
#2: Stores being closed.
Why? What makes this holiday big enough to have everything closed? If I need some milk that means I have to pay $9.00 at a local gas station. I call bullshit. I will never understand the love affair between the average person and Thanksgiving/Columbus Day. We wiped out the Native Americans, how should be celebrate? Shut down banks and let's eat Turkey!!!
#3: This being the only holiday that people seem to eat turkey.
If you want a good turkey you unfortunately have to wait for this time of the year. This seems to be a horrible tradition. Let's expand our horizons. "Hmmm, how what should I make for Arbor Day dinner this year? I got it! Turkey!!". Let's make this bird know fear mankind year round. Next time you have a Bar Mitzvah, a wake, Valentines Day, or are recovering from a heart attack: Think Turkey.
#4: The Detroit Lions.
They haven't been a good team for over a decade. Quit making it mandatory that they have to have games broadcast on Thanksgiving.
#5: People who start lining up at retail stores midday Thanksgiving.
About noon today the first of a large group of deranged shoppers will start lining up at retail outlets everywhere just so they can save a little extra money. Or worse, they're resellers who buy up these deals only to exploit buyers on EBay or Craigslist. For 10 years I have faced the likes of these people. And I still have to ask, is it worth it? And because of them I have to wake up every Black Friday morning at 1:30 A.M.
So now I'm off to clean the floors, sit in a chair, and watch the Lions lose again.
Then it's off to bed at 7 P.M. tonight.
*Sigh*.....
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
Everybody seems to hate a mouse unless it's animated
Let's talk Muppets.
Muppets are a fond memory of my childhood. Be it Sesame Street, The Muppet Show, or Fraggle Rock, it's hard to find any faults in the funny felt figures. Well, except for Elmo. Did you ever notice how the number of people diagnosed with A.D.D. quadrupled after that jackhole was introduced? But this isn't about Elmo. Instead it's about a mouse and his kingdom violating a childhood institution.
It all starts with a commercial. It's a scene of your favorite Muppets cavorting around Disneyland/World/Euro/Dungeon. And that is wrong. If you didn't know, Disney bought the Muppets back in 2004. But it's only been recently that they have been exploited to sell the virtues of Disney. And that should say a lot about Disney when the product can't sell itself.
I've always had some issues with Disney. Yes, as a kid I liked Mickey. Or at least until the age of 5. Then I discovered the Muppet Show and Warner Brothers much more interesting Bugs Bunny and friends. Has Disney done good things? Yes. It introduced such radical concepts such as the first bi-polar cartoon character in Donald Duck as well as all his relatives and peers who would make up the universe of Duck Tales. Disney introduced a science fiction movie called the Black Hole which was far from kid friendly and that made it awesome. And lastly they pushed other animation studios and children's outlets to put out much better product then them.
So why hate Disney? I'll give you 3 reasons:
#1: The Princess Mentality. If there is one thing that I always thought was shady on Disney's part and that is the pushing of the Princess Mentality. What is that, you ask? The majority of Disney's animated movie works focused on one common theme: Women can't do shit unless there is someone there to bail them out. Snow White, Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, The Little Mermaid...they all fuel a mentality of weak female independence. And ultimately it fuels a mentality in the young girls who look up to these woman as role models that they need to be saved. The first of the 3 movies I listed above were made in a time when it was ok for guys to be douchy and women better know their place. These movies didn't help the women's movement at all and I feel are something that stunts the growth of woman in general. But, hey, that could just be me.
#2: Disney the Whore Factory. Britney Spears, Christina Aguilera, Miley Cyrus, Lindsey Lohan and so on......it's hard to argue that Disney has the ability to make huge stars out of young women. But what they truly suck at is taking responsibility for them creating monsters and then cutting them loose once they outlive their usefulness. Now I will agree that not all of this is on Disney. 3 of the 4 aboves parents are perhaps some of the most manipulative and enabling parent around. But Disney has often been hypocritical of not nurturing their talent and letting them get to the destructive point. And then once their talent does implode, only then does Disney take a moral stance and say "YOU ARE NAUGHTY!" and then distance themselves from them, well after they have wrung every last cent of profit from them. Exploitation at it's worst.
And #3: Mickey is boring as hell. Seriously. Watch any of his cartoons and try your best to not be bored to tears. Mickey has always been a cypher. His character only exists to fill whatever role that needs to be filled by Disney. Mickey is much like a stereotyped model in the sense that he's cute to look at but if you talk to him for longer then 10 minutes you realize that there is nothing there. I have always thought that Mickey pales greatly in comparison to Bugs Bunny. When you see Bugs, you know he is a funny, mischievous character. He has identity, which can't be said for Mickey.
So going back to their recent use of the Muppets, it easily makes me realize that even Disney realizes that their own product is weak. Disney movies are only entertaining if Pixar has a hand in it. Their live TV is only good until their young stars learn about blow. And their former bread and butter of it's characters needs to be pimped by much more interesting intellectual properties.
And in the end, something funny and charming ends up feeling hollow and prostituted.
And that makes me sad.
Muppets are a fond memory of my childhood. Be it Sesame Street, The Muppet Show, or Fraggle Rock, it's hard to find any faults in the funny felt figures. Well, except for Elmo. Did you ever notice how the number of people diagnosed with A.D.D. quadrupled after that jackhole was introduced? But this isn't about Elmo. Instead it's about a mouse and his kingdom violating a childhood institution.
It all starts with a commercial. It's a scene of your favorite Muppets cavorting around Disneyland/World/Euro/Dungeon. And that is wrong. If you didn't know, Disney bought the Muppets back in 2004. But it's only been recently that they have been exploited to sell the virtues of Disney. And that should say a lot about Disney when the product can't sell itself.
I've always had some issues with Disney. Yes, as a kid I liked Mickey. Or at least until the age of 5. Then I discovered the Muppet Show and Warner Brothers much more interesting Bugs Bunny and friends. Has Disney done good things? Yes. It introduced such radical concepts such as the first bi-polar cartoon character in Donald Duck as well as all his relatives and peers who would make up the universe of Duck Tales. Disney introduced a science fiction movie called the Black Hole which was far from kid friendly and that made it awesome. And lastly they pushed other animation studios and children's outlets to put out much better product then them.
So why hate Disney? I'll give you 3 reasons:
#1: The Princess Mentality. If there is one thing that I always thought was shady on Disney's part and that is the pushing of the Princess Mentality. What is that, you ask? The majority of Disney's animated movie works focused on one common theme: Women can't do shit unless there is someone there to bail them out. Snow White, Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, The Little Mermaid...they all fuel a mentality of weak female independence. And ultimately it fuels a mentality in the young girls who look up to these woman as role models that they need to be saved. The first of the 3 movies I listed above were made in a time when it was ok for guys to be douchy and women better know their place. These movies didn't help the women's movement at all and I feel are something that stunts the growth of woman in general. But, hey, that could just be me.
#2: Disney the Whore Factory. Britney Spears, Christina Aguilera, Miley Cyrus, Lindsey Lohan and so on......it's hard to argue that Disney has the ability to make huge stars out of young women. But what they truly suck at is taking responsibility for them creating monsters and then cutting them loose once they outlive their usefulness. Now I will agree that not all of this is on Disney. 3 of the 4 aboves parents are perhaps some of the most manipulative and enabling parent around. But Disney has often been hypocritical of not nurturing their talent and letting them get to the destructive point. And then once their talent does implode, only then does Disney take a moral stance and say "YOU ARE NAUGHTY!" and then distance themselves from them, well after they have wrung every last cent of profit from them. Exploitation at it's worst.
And #3: Mickey is boring as hell. Seriously. Watch any of his cartoons and try your best to not be bored to tears. Mickey has always been a cypher. His character only exists to fill whatever role that needs to be filled by Disney. Mickey is much like a stereotyped model in the sense that he's cute to look at but if you talk to him for longer then 10 minutes you realize that there is nothing there. I have always thought that Mickey pales greatly in comparison to Bugs Bunny. When you see Bugs, you know he is a funny, mischievous character. He has identity, which can't be said for Mickey.
So going back to their recent use of the Muppets, it easily makes me realize that even Disney realizes that their own product is weak. Disney movies are only entertaining if Pixar has a hand in it. Their live TV is only good until their young stars learn about blow. And their former bread and butter of it's characters needs to be pimped by much more interesting intellectual properties.
And in the end, something funny and charming ends up feeling hollow and prostituted.
And that makes me sad.
Saturday, November 14, 2009
Just because their pretty doesn't mean their not tasty.
I had an conversation at work last night about a near and dear topic to me. But before I go into that, let me set it up first.
You ever notice that pretty or attractive people usually have more of an easy life? Or maybe "easy" isn't the right word.....maybe they have more opportunities given to them because people are willing to do more for them. We all know these type of people. They are the ones that are given jobs that are not a proper fit for them. They are the ones who can coast a bit easier through life because people are always willing to either pick up the slack for them or altogether pull all of their weight. They are the ones who are forgiven much easier for their mistakes or transgressions.
They are envied because of their ability to achieve all of this.
Animals aren't much different, either.
Certain animals coast through life much like people. If you're an animal and can look cute, do tricks, or generate pity then you've got it made. We keep you as pets. We put you on TV. We put you in zoos and try to make you procreate. We put you on pedestals.
And that is why we must eat these bastards.
Just like in Revenge of the Nerds when the Jocks got their comeuppance at the hands of Booger and Gilbert, these "beloved" animals needs to get served up with a side of mashed potatoes.
This is where the conversation last night comes into place. A couple of coworkers and I were talking about the merits of a bird feeder. I made the comment that a bird feeder is a renewable source of food. One of my coworkers responded in a traditional level of shock I'm used to: "Wait...are you saying that you would eat birds that go to a bird feeder? That's GROSS!". This was great. This is the equivalent of tossing a lazy softball at me. I was going to hit this out of the park. So I ask the loaded question "So you're saying it's wrong to eat birds?". And what was their response?
"Yeah!".
Heh.
So I took the time to drive home the point that by that logic we should never eat chickens and turkeys. And they argued back that THOSE birds are ok to eat. And my response was an easy one: We only eat those animals because they are ugly as hell. Need proof?
You take a quick look at these guys above and then only thing that goes through your head is whether you should either fry or bake them.
Now look at these guys:
You ever notice that pretty or attractive people usually have more of an easy life? Or maybe "easy" isn't the right word.....maybe they have more opportunities given to them because people are willing to do more for them. We all know these type of people. They are the ones that are given jobs that are not a proper fit for them. They are the ones who can coast a bit easier through life because people are always willing to either pick up the slack for them or altogether pull all of their weight. They are the ones who are forgiven much easier for their mistakes or transgressions.
They are envied because of their ability to achieve all of this.
Animals aren't much different, either.
Certain animals coast through life much like people. If you're an animal and can look cute, do tricks, or generate pity then you've got it made. We keep you as pets. We put you on TV. We put you in zoos and try to make you procreate. We put you on pedestals.
And that is why we must eat these bastards.
Just like in Revenge of the Nerds when the Jocks got their comeuppance at the hands of Booger and Gilbert, these "beloved" animals needs to get served up with a side of mashed potatoes.
This is where the conversation last night comes into place. A couple of coworkers and I were talking about the merits of a bird feeder. I made the comment that a bird feeder is a renewable source of food. One of my coworkers responded in a traditional level of shock I'm used to: "Wait...are you saying that you would eat birds that go to a bird feeder? That's GROSS!". This was great. This is the equivalent of tossing a lazy softball at me. I was going to hit this out of the park. So I ask the loaded question "So you're saying it's wrong to eat birds?". And what was their response?
"Yeah!".
Heh.
So I took the time to drive home the point that by that logic we should never eat chickens and turkeys. And they argued back that THOSE birds are ok to eat. And my response was an easy one: We only eat those animals because they are ugly as hell. Need proof?
You take a quick look at these guys above and then only thing that goes through your head is whether you should either fry or bake them.
Now look at these guys:
We take a look at these guys and let out a big ol' "AWWWWWW!!!!!"
Screw that. Deep fry them and slather them in buffalo sauce.
And it's not just birds that get off easy. Take the common pig and cow. I love bacon and nothing is better then a well cooked steak. But we eat them because they are dumb and ugly. Maybe if they did some tricks we might spare them. Don't believe me?
And the sad thing is that Wilber did jack$h!t! It was a spider doing all of his public relations!
Now I'm not saying that we should all go out and start eating dogs and cats but you have to appreciate the hypocrisy in all of this. And if we were to discover that dogs tasted like fillet mignon? Last chance Saturdays at PetSmart will turn into buffets.
And so we come to one of my great desires: To have an endangered species/protect animal buffet before I pass away.
So as I leave you to ponder what I've wrote, I give you my menu for this fantastic meal:
Roasted Panda
Bald Eagle Wings
Dolphin Sushi Rolls
Stir Fry Zebra
Sounds delicious, doesn't it?
See you all later.
Thursday, November 12, 2009
When you get raised by T.V., unfortunately you get me....
If there is one thing that can be said, it's that if you watch enough Television at 3 A.M. you tend to have a distorted view of life. But sometimes that is a good thing.
But first, let me let you know where I'm coming from and where I'm going.
My name is Mike. And a lot of people don't get me at first. But those that do? I like the smiles and laughs I put into their lives. And for that I'm lucky. I'm lucky to have a wife who loves me. Trust me, there are many guys who have wives who don't. I'm lucky to have about 4 good friends. Because most people think they have dozens of friends and actually have none. And I'm lucky that I've made is this far without snapping.
So what the hell does all of this have to do with T.V. at 3 A.M.?
I give you a simple answer: Logan's Run.
I love this movie. It was made the year I was born. And it's something that is so amazingly weird that it's charming.
Imagine a world where you have to die at 30. Why? That was never clearly explained. But when you do die it is in the way I want to die: Catapulted into the air from a spinning carousal while dressed like a Mexican Luchador and wearing a hockey mask while somehow exploding through means unknown.
Toss in high-tech whore distributing mirrors, a space age train set, a naked-people freezing robot, and a grizzly-looking Mr Howell from Gilligan's Island and you can only wish that this is a future that's going to happen. This movie is the kind of movie you either hate or love. And you need to watch this movie so you can figure out which it is.
For those of you who haven't seen this surreal Science Fiction movie I implore you to buy it, rent it, or illegally download it if that's what you do. But don't watch it at any old time of the day. No. You have to watch it at 3 A.M.
Why?
Easy. Because at 3 A.M. is when everything somehow makes sense. As soon as I got cable at the age of 13 there was one thing I had to do. Watch it as much as possible. Why? Never having cable before I had to make sure I made up for lost time and immerse myself into what can only be a cultural wasteland. Up until then my stupid latchkey self had to make do with whatever was on 5 to 6 channels. If that meant reruns of Bewitched, then so be it. But once I had cable, GAME ON!
But there was a trick to all of this: We only had cable on one television. So for me to watch as much as I could AND what I wanted to watch it would have to be during the day, which during school days is hard to do. So on weekends? Up until 3 A.M.
So why do things at 3 A.M. make sense? Simple. You are tired. And when you're tired you don't over-think things. Nor do you have all of the millions of other things that we have to deal with running through our head. It gives you the luxury to focus on what is in front of you. Infomercials become amazing odysseys into how the unnecessary makes your life easier. Syndicated reruns are much more plentiful in variety and expose you to how easily we are amused by the past. The Weather Channel becomes the equivalent of reading War and Peace in the sense that you'll never get to the end of the story no matter how hard you try. And movies are the best of all. Because at 3 A.M. you get to see other peoples dreams and visions and then realize that no matter how bad, bizarre, and poorly thought out their dreams are, at least they were able to see it through to the end.
And that has to give you hope. It gives you hope that if some guy was able to take a book and make an even weirder sci-fi movie out of it that you have to be able to accomplish something in your life as well. And when you look at what may seem bad on the surface, a closer look finds comedy in the absurd.
Getting shot into the air and getting blown up while looking like Freddy Mercury takes on a whole new meaning. It means there is funny ass $hit out there and if you stop taking things seriously for a second you can find humor in anything.
It also makes you realize that there are those out there who takes themselves too seriously too. And they are even better to laugh at.
At 3 A.M., everything seems a whole lot clearer.
I don't stay up to 3 A.M. anymore. Why? Because I'm getting older. I have responsibilities. I have amazing wife who I'd rather spend time with and cuddle next to each night. And the fact that I stayed up to 3 A.M. for almost 14 years straight has filled me with enough clarity that it's now time to focus on the B.S. which is the real world. When I walk outside of my home, my life is one of tolerance. I put up with everyone else. Then I come home and my wife sets me straight. Then I watch T.V. And I rip the living hell out of it.
So this blog is going to be a lot of things. It will be a place to muse. It will be a place to reflect. It will be a place to rant. It will be whatever I want it to be. It might not make sense at first. But if you read it at 3 A.M. it might change your mind........
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